♪我笨口拙舌♪ ♪-*My words are lazy♪
♪我思绪模糊♪ ♪My thoughts are hazy♪
♪但有一件事我很确定♪ ♪But this is one thing I'm sure of ♪
♪每个人都需要一个好朋友♪ ♪Everybody needs a best friend ♪
♪很高兴我是你的♪ ♪ I'm happy I'm yours♪
本剧子幕田擦枪字幕组 原创译制 OCR by China_sky
那天晚上我和我一家人一起 The other night I was out at a basketball game
-去看篮球赛 -嗯 with my whole family Right
我只是请求我前面那个人能坐下 And Ionly asked this guy in front of me to just sit down
不要挡我的视线 他就毫不怜悯的打了我 a bit so I could see, and he beat me unmercifully.
他狠狠的打了我一顿 我的假发都掉了 He beat me very badly and my hairpiece fell off.
情况很糟糕 因为他打我的时候 And it was awful, because when he beat me,
我的假牙也在假发里 my teeth were also in my hairpiece.
哦天 Oh, man.
捣蛋双宝真的是最优秀的 The Jerky Boys are like the greatest
喜剧演员了 living comedy geniuses.
是啊 I know.
就好像电话 It's like the telephone was just
在那儿放了一百年 直到这俩男孩儿出现 sitting there for 100 years and it took these two guys- -
才搞明白那是干什么用的 both: To figure out what it was for.
看看 你懂我 你懂我 See, yeah, you understand. You understand.
好了 我得去嘘嘘 AlI right. I gotta take a leak.
哦该死 Oh, shit
草 Oh, fuck.
克莱夫 两点钟方向 Clive, 2 o'clock.
他要是跟着你进去 你就死定了 He follows you in there, you're a dead man.
太糟糕了 This is bad.
但我真得去上厕所 I really got to go.
午餐时你看到我喝了一整杯果汁 You saw me down that Capri Sun at lunch.
我知道 你抱着那吸管狠狠地吸 I know. You were sucking that straw
像是它答应签你做模特一样 like it promised you a modeling contract.
可是约翰尼 你得憋住啊 But Johnny, you got to hold it.
憋尿可不安全啊 It's not safe to hold your pee.
可你必须得这样 哥们儿 You got to do it, man.
想想篮球 Just think about baseball.
这能管什么用 That's not how it works.
想想你爸周末的时候光溜溜的 Think about your dad coming out of the bedroom
从卧室出来 naked on a weekend.
什么鬼 What the fuck?
他小弟挂在袍子外面 With his hog hanging out of his robe
像地震中睡着的蝙蝠一样左右摇摆 waving like a bat sleeping through an earthquake.
快给我闭嘴吧 Shut the fuck up, all right?
跟我一起去 给我望风 Just follow me in there and stand guard.
好吧 AlI right
好了 快 赶快尿 AII right, go on, get to peeing.
好 看着门 AII right, just watch the door.
好 OK
-该死 -快啊 快啊 Shit. Go on, hurry up.
我尿不出来 I can't, all right?
旁边还有个人 我害羞啊 There's another guy in here and I'm pee shy.
我的老天爷啊 嘿 老兄你能先出去不 Jesus Christ Hey dude, do you mind?
我哥们儿自尊心太强了 My buddy's self conscious.
我以为他遇到什么麻烦了呢 Yeah, I thought he might be having some trouble
我可什么都没听到 when I didn't hear anything.
我只想告诉你 你要等多久都可以 I just want you to know, you take all the time you need to.
我不会批判别人 I won't judge.
终于 Oh, here we go.
谢谢你 Thank you.
你能尿出来就是最好的感谢了 That is all the thanks I need.
等等 Wait.
杰西 Jesus?
好的 没问题的 AlI right. It's OK.
一切都会好的 Everything's going to be OK.
哦该死 他来了 快包起来 Oh shit, he's here. Wrap it up.
不是这样干的 That's not how it works.
嘿 看看是谁在这儿啊 Hey, look who's here
本内特 It's Bennett.
他的小男友也在这儿陪着他呢 And he's got his little boyfriend with him.
好了 克莱夫 如果我就是他男友呢 A]I right, Clive, what if I am his boyfriend?
如果我们在搞地下情呢 What if we are having an affair?
我能以你永远做不到的方式满足他 I can satisfy him in a way you never could.
最好小心点 本内特 Better be careful, Bennett.
可别滑倒了 You wouldn't want to slip!
对了 Yeah.
做得好 本内特 Nice going, Bennett.
再多尿点 Pee much?
你不如拿这话去问问你老妈 Why don't you go ask your mother's face?
哦 天哪 真抱歉 Oh Jesus, I am so sorry.
我这话太过分了 That was so over the line.
搞什么啊 老兄 你真恶心 What the fuck, dude? That's sick.
我根本没意识到它就从我嘴里出来了 It was out of my mouth before I knew what it was.
就像你老妈一样 Kind of like your mother.
我的天哪 我这是怎么回事 Oh, my God, what is wrong with me?
真抱歉 I am so sorry.
我活该遭受接下来的一切 I deserve what's about to happen to me.
说的对极了 Yeah, no shit.
-喝吧 小混蛋 -哦 该死 Drink up asshole. Oh shit.
等等 别是马桶啊 Wait, no, not the toilet
我不能碰水 I'm not supposed to get wet.
我的标签上写着呢 It said so on my tag!
泰迪 Teddy.
是我们倒霉 约翰尼 Well, the joke's on us, Johnny.
这水管都没通出去 Pipes don't go anywhere.
他们就只是把水来回冲 The kids are just flushing them back and forth all day.
恶心 Yuck.
如果你遇到了麻烦 没有人可以施以援手 If you have a problem, if no one else can help,
如果你能找到他们 或许可以雇佣一个特遣队 and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A- Team.
我之前看过这集 I've seen this episode before.
可好看了 It's a good one.
你怎么会看这种烂片 How can you watch that shit?
只是车子追来追去 炸弹乱炸一通 It's just car chases and blowing stuff up.
你为什么要把两件这么好的东西 Why did you just say two good things
说成像是不好的一样 as if they're two bad things?
放我们一马吧 布莱尔 天哪 Give us a break, Blaire. Jesus.
我们今天过得可不怎么顺 We had a hard day.
而且这节目很有教育意义的 And this show is very educational.
我们能学到越南老兵的冲突斗争 We're learning about the struggles of Vietnam veterans
还有如何把碎木机变成大炮 and how to turn a wood chipper into a cannon
然后发射卷心菜 that shoots cabbages.
马蒂 今天你上班的时候弗兰克尔医生打来电话 Matty, Dr. Frankel called when you were at work today.
他说你早该做结肠镜检查了 He says you're overdue for a colonoscopy.
我才不要做 Yeah, I'm not getting one of those.
他说很重要 He says it's important.
-那家伙就是个庸医 -不是的 That guy's a quack No, he's not.
他非常聪明 He's very smart.
并不是所有犹太医生都聪明的 苏珊 Not all Jewish doctors are smart, Susan.
你这是刻板印象 That's one of those stereotypes.
即使严格来讲你是对的 Even when you're technically on the right side,
你还是能把好话说成坏话 you still find a way to ruin it.
怎么了 What?
我只是说他们也不都是聪明人 I just said they're not all smart.
有些希伯来人眼里只有钱 Some of them Hebrews are just in it for the money.
你这也太冒犯人了 That is beyond fucking offensive.
抱歉 男希伯来和女希伯来总行了吧 Sorry. Hebrews and Shebrews.
亲爱的 只是做个常规检查 Honey, it's a routine test.
反正都要全程麻醉的 You're sedated the whole time.
我做的时候也没觉得有多糟糕 It wasn't so bad when I did it.
什么 What?
你什么时候做过结肠镜检查 When the hell did you have a colonoscopy?
我去年肚子不舒服的时候啊 Last year when I was having my tummy troubles.
-那我在哪儿呢 -你开车送我啊 Where was I? You drove me.
我没有啊 No, I didn't.
我叫你把我带到街对面的商场门口了 Well, I had you drop me off across the street at the mall.
我不想让你担心 I didn't want to worry you.
再说了你也需要件内搭 And plus you needed undershirts,
乔丹·马什百货店正在打折 and Jordan Marsh was having a sale.
这也太逗了 This is hilarious.
你这么害怕这个手术 苏阿姨甚至都没告诉你 You're afraid of a procedure Aunt Sue's got done
自己就去做了 without even telling you.
我不记得去接过你啊 I don't remember picking you up.
-我走回家的 -她还是走回家的 I walked home. - She walked home.
几英里而已 It's just a couple of miles.
虽然腿没啥知觉了 Couldn't feel my legs anyway,
所以鞋弄湿了也感觉不到 so it didn't matter if my pumps got slushy.
马蒂 你要怎么做 Well, Matty, it's your move.
我要去拿杯酒 My move is I'm getting a beer.
我的检查结果没有问题 My results were negative.
天哪 他看上去好忧心忡忡啊 Oh gosh, he seems so worried.
我真希望特遣队是真实存在的 Man, I wish the A- Team was real.
我们就能吧克莱夫揍的屁滚尿流 That way we could hire him to beat the shit out of Clive.
克莱夫是谁 Who's Clive?
学校里那个欺负我们的混蛋 This fucking goon at school who picks on us.
穆丽尔的儿子克莱夫吗 Is that Muriel's son Clive?
不知道诶 穆丽尔的儿子是个恋小便的 I don't know, is Muriel's son a sadistic steroid bully
施虐狂恶霸肥仔吗 with a pee fetish?
那可怜孩子 Oh, that poor boy.
他从小没有父亲 He doesn't have a father, you know.
他在克莱夫出生前 Oh yeah, he walked out on Muriel
就抛弃了穆丽尔 before Clive was even born.
或许因此他才总是不开心吧 It's probably why he's so unhappy
这个典型的自我防御机制 It's a classic defense mechanism.
不停的伤害别人 Hurt people hurt people.
等等 等等 你的意思是 Wait, wait, wait, are you saying
克莱夫是个私生子 Clive is a bastard child?
他妈妈很善良呢 His mother is so sweet.
独自带大他一定很艰难 Must be hard.
约翰尼 我们一直想要抓住他的小辫子 Johnny, we have been blessed with information
好用来对付他 we can weaponize.
你什么意思 What do you mean?
如果是捣蛋双宝会怎么做 What would the Jerky Boys do?
好了 找到了 AII right, found it
555-3816 555- 3816.
我们绝对会把这家伙整的哭爹喊娘 Oh, we are going to fuck this guy's head up so bad.
你好 Hello?
克莱夫 我是你爹 Clive, this is your father.
-什么 -我是你爹 What? - I'm your father.
我在你还小的时候抛弃了你 I abandoned you when you were a baby.
真抱歉 我过得很不顺 Sorry about that. I had a rough day.
爸 真的是你吗 Dad, is this really you?
是的 克莱夫 Yes, Clive.
我他妈绝对是你爹 This is so totally fucking your dad.
爸 我就知道你会打来的 Dad, I knew you'd call someday.
我妈说你不会 但我就知道你会的 Mom said you wouldn't, but I just knew it.
你在哪儿 Where are you?
我能见见你吗 I mean, can I meet you?
天哪 他想见面 Holy shit, he wants to meet.
这情景太经典了 This is fucking classic.
-我要怎么说 -答应他 What do I say? - Say yes.
让他明天在弗莱利餐厅见你 Tell him to meet you at Friendly's tomorrow.
好啊 明天放学去弗莱利餐厅 Yeah, sure, be at Friendly's tomorrow after school.
要穿水手服 And wear a sailor suit.
水手服 A sailor suit?
是啊 我参加过海军 Yeah, I spent some time in the Navy,
我对此很有感情 so it's sentimental for me, you know.
-我参加过战争 -什么战争 I fought in the war. - Whoa. Which one?
你说的对 朋友 You got that right, my friend.
但我不想太想谈这个 I don't like talking about it though,
尤其是谈到细节 especially in specifics.
天哪 太酷了 Man, that's so cool.
要穿一套真正的水手服 And I mean a real sailor suit, all right?
就像杰克爆米花盒子上的小孩穿的那样 Like the kid on the Cracker Jack box.
我要从哪儿弄到水手服啊 But where do I get a sailor suit?
你这是跟我顶嘴吗 You back talking me?
你这不听话的态度就是我离开的根本原因 See, this smart mouth attitude is exactly why I left.
对不起 对不起 老爸 我会穿的 我保证 Sorry. No, I'm sorry, Dad. No, I'll do it. I promise.
这还差不多 That's more like it.
叫他说啊嗬 Tell him to say ahoy.
你到那儿之后要对别人说啊嗬 Oh yeah, and say ahoy to people when you get there.
好的 老爸 我等不及要见你了 OK. Dad, I can't wait to meet you.
你就好好期待着吧 小老弟 Yeah, get those hopes sky high, buddy.
我爱你 I love you- -
我的天哪 太爽了 Oh, my God, that was fucking amazing.
爽翻天了 That was great.
他去的时候我们得过去看看 Well, we got to be there when he shows up.
绝对的 等等 等等 我们不能去 Totally. Wait, wait, no, no, we can't.
他会看到我们 然后揍我们一顿的 He'll see us and he'll kick our asses.
他不会的 No, he won't.
这样很好 这计划好极了 This was good. This was a good plan.
现在就大家所知 OK, now as far as anyone knows,
我们是两个哈特福特来此出差的广告经理 we're two ad executives on a business trip from Hartford
-来寻找一些当地的人才 -没错 looking for some local talent. Right.
继续上奶昔啊 Hey, keep these milkshakes coming, huh?
-好啊 -我们在庆祝呢 Sure thing. You know, we're celebrating.
刚拿下一个大客户 帮庭 Just landed a big account. Bounty.
他们生产的纸巾特别出名 It's a very famous paper towel.
是呢 我每天都用 Yep. I use them every day.
好极了 Oh, terrific.
你知道吗 他们最初的广告语 Well, you know, originally the slogan
本来是 一抹而光 was supposed to be the"quicker picker upper, "
然后我们把它改成了 厚墩墩的一抹而光 but we added the word "thicker quicker picker upper. "
就这一句广告词 全款拿下一栋避暑别墅 Bought a summer house with that one adjective.
-恭喜 -是啊 Congratulations. Yeah.
我妻子总是拒我于千里之外 就算我们在同一个房间 My wife's miles away, even when we're in the same room.
知道吗 You know,
她自从流产之后就不让我碰她了 she hasn't let me touch her since the miscarriage.
我马上拿你点的餐来 I'll be back with your Fribbles.
你搞什么啊 The fuck was that?
怎么了 我这是进入角色 What do you mean? I'm just rolling with the area.
你说的这也太悲哀了 老兄 That was fucking sad, dude.
真抱歉我想要给我们的背景故事 Oh, forgive me for trying to add a little gravity
增加点沉重色彩 不然你说为什么我们要出行 into the backstory, all right? I mean, why are we traveling?
增加色彩 你简直让我想割腕 Gravity? I want to slit my wrist.
所以你就能说厚墩墩的一抹而光 So you get to be Mr. Thicker Picker Upper
我就什么都不能说吗 and Igot nothing to work with over here?
打扰了 你要巧克力屑吗 Sorry, did you want sprinkles?
我们连名字都想好了 宝宝房也喷好漆了 We picked out a name. The room was painted.
冷静点 Calm down.
不 不 所有人都这样说 No, no, that's what everyone says.
哀悼是我的权利 I get to grieve.
我的天哪 快看 Oh, my God, look.
啊嗬 Ahoy.
-我的天哪 -他还真穿了 Holy shit. He fucking wore it.
整理你的方巾吧 Yeah. Fix your kerchief.
就是这样 这才是个水手样子 There you go. Now you're a proper seaman.
-好了 你准备好了吗 -好了 AlI right You ready? - Yep.
我要去了 I'm going in.
我过去之后别再和服务生聊天了 Oh, maybe don't talk to the waitress while I'm gone.
快去吧你 Just fucking go.
-下午好 这里是弗莱利餐厅 -你好 Good afternoon, Friendly's. - Yeah, hi.
我需要你帮我给你的 I need you to deliver a message
一个顾客传个口信 to one of your customers.
就那个穿的像个傻逼的蠢家伙 Dumb looking guy dressed like an idiot.
先生 弗莱利餐厅到处都是蠢家伙 你能说准确点吗 Sir, this is Friendly's. Can you be more specific?
穿水手服的那个孩子 The kid in the sailor suit.
我是他爹 我有句话要告诉他 This is his dad. I got a message for him.
你父亲要我给你捎句话 I have a message for you from your dad.
他说他不会来了 因为你很让他失望 He says he's not coming because you're a disappointment to him
他很高兴他离开了 and he's glad he left,
他更喜欢自己收养的韩国小孩 and he likes his adopted Korean kids better.
真抱歉 Sorry.
天啊 这可比流产还悲哀 Man, this is way sadder than the miscarriage.
我们本想给孩子起名劳伦斯的 His name was going to be Lawrence.
我还是觉得昨天的事干的太没品了 You know, I still feel really shitty about yesterday.
我也是 Yeah, me too.
我甚至都要觉得克莱夫是个活生生的人了 It's almost like Clive's an actual human being,
有血有肉有心的人 with a heart.
肯定不会有事的 Well, you know, I'm sure it's going to be fine.
你们听说了吗 克莱夫想要自杀 Hey, did you guys hear? Clive tried to kill himself.
我的天哪 Holy shit.
他吃了一整瓶维生素小熊糖 He ate an entire bottle of Flintstones vitamins.
连贝蒂熊也吃了 Even the Bettys.
他 他有说为什么吗 Did he did he say why he did it?
管他呢 我从没觉得如此畅快 Who cares? I never felt more free.
现在我能穿我的爱司基地T恤了 Now I can wear my Ace Of Base shirt
还不用担心被揍 without getting my ass kicked.
该死 泰迪 我们该怎么办 Shit, Teddy. What are we going to do?
这个我们可管不着 It's out of our hands.
要是他想穿那T恤 就让他穿吧 If he wants to wear the shirt, he's going to wear the shirt
不 不 我是说 这都是我们的错 No, no, I mean, this is our fault.
要是克莱夫不是个蠢蛋 他现在就是个死人了 If Clive wasn't an idiot, he'd be dead right now.
好了 知道吗 AII right. OK You know what?
我们可以搞定的 We can fix this
T恤真好看啊 基佬 Nice shirt, queerOh!
自然界果然厌恶真空 Hm, nature abhors a vacuum.
准备好了吗 OK, you ready? - Yeah.
等等 等等 Hang on. Hang on one sec.
那孩子的一颗心就握在我们手中呢 We got a boy's heart in our hands here.
我得保持头脑清醒 I want to make sure I got my wits about me.
好了 可以了 打给他吧 AlI right, I'm good. Call him.
-喂 -嗨 克莱夫 Hello? Hey Clive.
我是你爹 It's your dad.
你吃下去的都吐完了吗 You done barfing up Bamm Bamms?
别来打扰我 Leave me alone.
等等 等等 稍等一下 Wait, wait, just hang on. Hang on.
我想跟你道歉 I want to apologize.
抱歉我昨天没去 I'm sorry about not showing up yesterday.
你为什么不去 Then why did you do it?
又为什么留下那样的消息 And why did you leave that message?
那是一个测试 It was a test.
我想要测验一下你的男子气概 It was a test of your manhood.
你顺利通过了 And you passed with flying colors.
你说你更喜欢你收养的韩国小孩 You said you liked your adopted Korean kids better.
对哈 Oh, yeah.
我已经不再收养他们了 Well, you know, I don't have them anymore.
是吗 You don't?
那时候似乎是个挺酷的主意 No, it seemed like a cool idea at the time,
但花了我好大一笔钱 but it was costing me a shitload,
所以我就把他们放归大自然了 so I had to release them back into the wild.
所以你才对我如此重要 克莱夫 But that's why you are so important to me, Clive
所以我们的关系才如此重要 That's why our relationship is so important.
那我能真的见见你吗 Well then, can I meet you for real?
好啊 Yes.
最终会见的 最终会的 Eventually. Eventually.
但现在 我忙着工作呢 But right now, I'm kind of busy with work.
-你是做什么的 -我是做什么的 What do you do? What do I do?
一个想要孩子的广告经理 Ad exec trying to have kids?
老天 你是跟这角色杠上了吗 Jesus, what the fuck is it with you with that- -
我有幸成为了一名洛杉矶的地下战士 I'm a soldier of fortune in the Los Angeles underground.
哇哦 Whoa.
我和其他突击队员 Yeah, me and these other crack commandos
开着货车同邪恶势力对抗 fight injustice from our van.
好酷啊 That's so cool.
如果有人遇到了麻烦 Yeah, if people have a problem
没人施以援手 如果你能找到我们 and if no one else can help and if you can find us,
就能雇我和我的朋友去帮忙 maybe you can hire me and my friends.
这差不多就是我们的标语 That's kind of like our slogan.
我老爸竟然有辆货车 Wow. My dad has a van.
随便吧 我会常联系你的 好好上学 Yeah, anyway, I'll keep in touch and do good in school.
我在学校糟透了 I suck at school.
明天还有场数学考试 我估计会挂掉的 I have a math test tomorrow I'm probably going to fail.
拜托 Oh, come on.
你肯定比你想象的更擅长数学 I bet you're smarter at math than you think.
这样 如果一个恶霸因为性取向而胖揍了十个孩子 Like OK, like, if a bully beats up 10 kids for their sexuality
又因为其中的百分之二十参加了唱诗班 and 20%of them are in the choir
而多揍了几拳 那么有多少人会进医院 so they get extra beatings, how many go to the hospital?
两个 Um, two.
猜猜怎么着 没自信先生 你刚做了一道数学题 Guess what, Mr. I Can t? You just did math.
待会儿再聊吧 I'll talk to you later.
我觉得我们处理好了 I think we fixed it.
我也这么想 Yeah, I think so too.
我现在感觉真棒 I feel really good right now.
-我也感觉好棒 -我们真是大好人 I feel so good. - We're good people.
现在他要是还自杀 那肯定是因为别的事 Yeah, if he kills himself now, it's from other stuff.
这些汉堡怎么好像 Why were these burgers just, like,
在水里泡过了一样 sitting in a tray of water?
是啊 为什么会做成这样 Yeah, I don't know why they do that.
每次一到汉堡日 Yeah, every time it's burger day,
那些汉堡就泡在水里 there they are, just sitting in water.
我不知道 看上去挺正常的 I don't know. It seems normal.
叫几个哥们儿 泡上几个汉堡 看看比赛 Have the guys over, water up some burgers, watch the game.
有件事很奇怪 Hey, you know what's weird?
怎么了 What?
我一直在想克莱夫的事 I've been, like, thinking about Clive.
-我也是 -真的吗 Yeah, me too. You have?
是啊 我真的在想 Yeah, like Ive actually been wondering
他考试考得怎么样 how he did on that test.
我也是 这感觉糟透了 Me too. It's fucked up, right?
感觉像是我真的在乎他一样 It's like I actually give a shit about him.
约翰尼 快看 Johnny, look.
真不知道他干嘛要和那些男生一起玩 I don't know why he hangs out with those boys.
他们只会带坏他 They're a bad influence.
我觉得约翰逊教练 I think Coach Johnson.
天哪 我想那个就是他的考卷了 Holy shit. I think that's his test.
等等 别看 现在先别看 Wait, don't look, don't look, don't look now.
-上面写了什么 -我不知道 What does it say? I don't know.
上面写了评级 但我看不到 There's a grade on the front, but I can't see it.
我们得离近些看看 We got to get a closer look.
听上去很难 That sounds really tough.
他们知道怎么做爆米花却不碰它 They know how to make corn and they don't touch it.
你想干嘛 本内特 What the fuck do you want, Bennett?
没什么 没什么 我只是 Nothing. Nothing. You know, I'm just
只是随便走走 I'mjust- - I'm just walking around.
-你也知道我什么样儿 -是吗 You know how I be. - Yeah?
吃屌吧 傻逼 Eat a dick, asshole.
他通过了 He passed.
天呐 我就知道他可以的 Oh, my God, I knew he could do it. s
干得漂亮 老兄 Great job, buddy.
我们的小天才 Our little genius.
马蒂 你不能一直拖延呀 Matty, you can't keep putting it off.
为什么不行 我的身体我说了算 Yes, I can. It's my body.
但是医生说 But the doctor said- -
我管医生说什么 我管他说什么 I don't care what the doctor says.
我就是不做 I'm not doing it.
你要再说一次 我就出去住旅馆 If you ask me one more time, I'm going to stay at a motel.
马蒂 为什么你这么抗拒做结肠镜检查 Matty, why are you so resistant to a colonoscopy?
不是吧 你也来叨叨我 Oh Christ, not you too.
我知道 检查结果或许 Look, I know it's scary to think about
很可怕 但是早发现 what they might find, but early detection is- -
你觉得我是害怕得癌吗 You think I'm worried about cancer?
得了癌症就不用缴税了 You get cancer, you don't have to pay taxes.
不是这样的吧 I don't think that's true.
要是自由党掌权就是这样的了 Not if liberals have their way.
我就是想说 赶紧得癌去吧 All I'm saying is, get your cancer now.
别瞎扯了 和我说实话 Look, cut the shit and just tell me the truth.
为什么不去做结肠镜检查 Why won't you get the colonoscopy?
麻醉以后 我就控制不了自己了 When they put you under, you're not in control.
对吧 AlI right?
可能会说些胡话 事后还完全想不起来 You can say some shit and not even remember it.
我不想乱说话 I don't want to say stuff.
老天爷 Jesus.
还有你不敢说的话 There's things you're not saying?
我就是有些秘密不想被别人知道 I just- I don't want anybody to find out my secrets.
C 什么秘密 What secrets?
我有秘密 I got secrets.
好好好 就算医生知道了 OK, well, what the fuck do you care
又有什么关系呢 what some doctor thinks of them?
医生可八卦了 这地方又不大 Doctors talk. This is a small town.
我不想毁了我的声誉 I don't want to ruin my reputation.
你都已经上了唐恩都乐甜甜圈的黑名单了 You're banned from Dunkin' Donuts.
听我的 你一定得做这个检查 好吗 Listen to me. You got to do this. OK?
结肠癌发现得晚 你就没命了 You catch colon cancer too late, you're dead.
留下约翰和苏珊孤儿寡母的 You'd be leaving John and Suze on their own.
这真的是你想要的吗 You really want to do that?
好吧 我去做 AlI right. I'll go in there.
很好 Great.
但你得和我一起去 But you got to go with me.
-陪你去做结肠镜检查 -对 To your colonoscopy? - Yeah.
为什么 Why?
因为我被他们迷晕后 Because when they drug me up,
要是提到了越南 if I start saying anything about Vietnam,
你得赶紧发出声音 you got to make a lot of noise.
为什么 你在越南怎么了 Why? What happened in Viet- -
啦啦啦啦啦啦 就像这样 La, la, la, la, la, la, la! Like that.
懂了吗 You got it? - Mm- mm.
你没懂 来练习一下 No, you don't. Let's practice.
这是我 这是医生 It's me. Here's the doctor.
嗨医生 在越南有一次 Hey Doc, this one time in Vietnam- -
对 该你了 right, that's you.
啦啦啦啦 La, la, la, la
不 再大声一点 快一点 No, you got to be louder and faster.
来 再试一次 在越南有一次 医生 Come on. Again. One time in Vietnam, Doc-
-啦啦啦啦 -继续 La, la, la, la, la. Keep going.
在越南有一次 One time in Vietnam
再大声一点 Louder.
在越南有一次 继续 One time in Vietnam. Keep going.
-继续 -我特么在继续啊 Keep going. I'm fucking trying.
在越南有一次 There was this one time in Vietnam.
继续 Keep going.
我马上就要说出我的秘密了 I'm about to spill my secrets!
你俩干什么呢 What is going on in here?
我会去做结肠镜检查的 I'll get the colonoscopy.
真的吗 You will?
谢天谢地 Oh, thank God.
我开心得像是过圣诞节 Oh, I feel like it's Christmas.
我就是想让你们一家知道 从现在开始 I just want this family to know that from here on out,
我要敞开了喝了 I'm going for full- on alcoholism.
嘿 我是不是疯了 Hey, am I crazy?
我有点想给克莱夫打给电话 告诉他考得很棒 I kind of want to call Clive and tell him he did good.
是吧 我也是 I know. Me too.
很明显 他为了这次考试用功复习了 I mean, he obviously studied so hard for that test.
对 他得知道 他爸为他骄傲 Yeah, he should know his dad's proud of him.
对 Yeah.
但是 但是 难道我们想让他觉得 But, but, but, do we want to send the message
我们在乎的只是成绩吗 that all we care about is grades?
但如果我们不告诉他我们的期望 Well, I mean, he can't live up to our expectations
他也无法达到呀 if we don't set any.
对 但我希望他为自己努力 而不是为了我们 Yeah, but I want him to do well for him, not for us.
-给他打个电话吧 -好 Let's just call him. OK.
你好 Hello?
嗨克莱夫 是你爸 Hey Clive. It's your dad.
爸爸 你知道吗 Dad. Hey, guess what?
我考得巨好 I totally aced that test.
拿了个C+ I got a C+.
厉害了 Well, how about that?
你真棒 小冠军 Good for you, champ.
太好了 That's great.
虽然不算巨好吧 不过也真不错 That's not really ace, but wow, good job.
我知道你挺忙的 Hey, I know you're busy and all,
但这周六是我生日 but my birthday's coming up on Saturday
我想知道 我能见见你吗 and I was wondering if maybe I could see you.
这个嘛 抱歉了儿子 我有工作 Ah, yeah, sorry pal, I got a work thing.
我就想和你见一面 I just wish I could meet you just once.
我知道 我也是 I know. Me too.
但这次的任务很重要 But it's an important mission.
我们在溜冰场下面发现了恐怖分子大本营 We found a terrorist base under the roller rink,
要卧底成毒贩混进去 so we're going undercover as coke dealers.
要是在过程中找到了爱情 那就发展一下 And if we find love along the way, we'll take it.
要不明年吧 好吗 But hey, maybe next year, huh?
好的 Yeah, sure.
考得真棒 And great job on that test.
好了 之后再聊吧 AlI right, I'll talk to you later.
再见 爸爸 Bye, Dad.
又让他失望了 我觉得很不好受 Man, I feel really bad letting him down again.
对 我们得补偿他一下 Yeah, we got to make it up to him.
你知道吗 You know what?
他爸应该给他送一份超棒的礼物 His dad needs to send him a really great birthday gift.
这个怎么样 Oh, what about this?
世嘉超级游戏机 Sega Genesis.
-我觉得不太好诶 -为什么 Yeah, I don't know. Why not?
我担心他会成天待在屋里打游戏 I'mjust worried he's going to spend all day in his room
都不出门玩了 instead of playing outside.
棒球手套如何 What about a baseball glove?
他不喜欢运动 He doesn't like playing sports.
那我们可以鼓励他去运动嘛 Well, that doesn't mean we shouldn't encourage it.
棒球是你的梦想 不是他的 Baseball's your dream, not his.
-我勒个老天爷 -这是他的17岁生日 Oh, my fucking God. - Look, it's his 17th birthday.
他马上就要成年了 He'll be an adult soon.
没有几次送礼物的机会了 We don't have many of these left.
我就是觉得你太惯着他了 I just feel like you're always trying to spoil him.
你不能用钱买他的爱 You know, you can't buy his affections.
-我没有想用钱买 -你有 I am not trying to buy his Yes, you are.
你就是想用钱买他的爱 You're trying to buy his affections
-因为你从来不在家 -你对他太严格了 because you're never at home. - You're too strict with him.
你一直都是这样 You always have been.
总得有人唱黑脸吧 Well, somebody has to be the bad cop.
老实说 你老让我当坏人 And frankly, I feel like it's shitty of you
-太可恶了 -行吧 to always dump that on me. You know what?
这些破事都无所谓了 None of this shit matters anyway,
-因为我们只有20刀 -哦对 你说得对 because we only got 20 bucks. - Oh yeah, you're right.
我们怎么办呢 What are we going to do?
男装在哪里 Where's the menswear?
好 很好 准备 OK, that's good. Get ready.
-现在右转 -太特么蠢了 OK, now turn right This is so fucking stupid.
我穿上大衣不就好了吗 Why don't I just wear the coat myself?
这样更高啊 约翰 Extra height, Johnny.
你个子高 别人就会觉得你是老大 When you're tall, people assume you're in charge.
嘿 不用工作了 今天休息吧 Hey, why don't you go ahead and take the rest of the day off?
哇哦 谢谢你 高个子主管 Wow, thank you, tall supervisor.
-看到了吗 -好吧 我要往哪走 See? OK, which way am I going?
好 直走两步 然后转弯 AlI right, straight for a bit then you're going to tur.
大声点 你的脚挡住我的耳朵了 Talk louder. Your feet are blocking my ears
赶紧左转 左转 左转 Hard left, hard left, hard left!
我去 咋回事啊 Jesus. What the fuck was that?
直走 直走就行 Go straight. Just go straight.
你得告诉我 Well, fucking tell me when I'm going to bump
-要撞到东西了啊 我草 -小心 into something- - fucking A! Watch outl
-拜托 就不能提前说一声吗 -好了好了 C'mon, you got to wam meOK, it's good. It's good.
-现在没问题了 -我头撞得好痛 We're good for a minute. - My head hurts.
问题又来了 Oh, this is going to be a problem.
-我草 -咋回事啊 Fuck, shit. - The fuck is that?
-别往那边去 -可以转身吗 Don't go that way. Can I turn around?
我去 Oh shit.
-往旁边走 -哪一边 Sideways. Which sideways?
往旁边走 Go sideways.
干得漂亮 你可以去吃午饭了 Excellent work. You can take your lunch now.
我们偷这个东西不是为了我们自己 好吗 Look, we weren't even stealing it for us. OK?
是为了一个没有爸爸的孩子 We were stealing it for a kid who doesn't have a dad.
而且这也不能算是行窃吧 对吧 And that's not even really shoplifting, right?
狡辩得不错 Nice try.
你俩惹了大麻烦了 You boys are in big time trouble.
给我你们父母的电话 I'm going to need your parents' phone numbers.
我父母不在本地 My parents are out of town.
我没有父母 毕竟 I don't have parents on account of
我是个成了精的泰迪熊 I'm a Teddy bear that came alive.
好的 听着 帮助这个孩子 AII right, look, it's really important to us
对我们而言真的很重要 好吗 that we help this kid, OK?
难道没有什么东西对你来说 Haven't you ever had something that was just really,
是非常非常重要的吗 你愿意 really important to you, something that you'd
不惜一切代价实现它 do anything to make happen
比如说你想成为波士顿最优秀的保安 Like maybe you wanted to be the best security guard in Boston.
不 Q No.
不 我从来就不想当保安 No, I never wanted to be a security guard.
我倒是很想当演员 I really wanted to be an actor.
这差得不是一星半点啊 Oh, this just got so much worse.
表演才是我的热爱所在 Acting is my real passion.
20多岁的时候 When I was in my 20s,
我在社区参演了《彼平正传》 I did this community theater production on"Pippin.
表演结束后 我发现 And when the show ended, I found out
约翰·鲁宾斯坦坐在观众席里 that John Rubinstein was in the audience.
-天啊 -哇哦 Oh, my God. Oh wow.
他就是原剧的男主角 Who was, of course, the original Pippin.
-我刚要说来着 -就是他 I was about to say That's the guy.
就是他 That's the guy.
可不就是他嘛 Fucking God damn right he was.
表演结束后 他来到后台 And he actually came backstage after the show
走到我身边 我现在还能看见他的那张脸 and he walked up to me and I can stil see his face
他说 我很喜欢你们的表演 and he said, I really enjoyed the show.
你们都太棒了 You were all wonderful
我当时就 我天 这完美一刻 I was like, oh, my God, what a moment
太赞了 Amazing
我是说 连我听的人都觉得太赞了 I mean, it's amazing just even hearing it.
我不在场 但听你说说也感动深受 I wasn't there, but just hearing you talk about it.
对 是他本人哎 Yeah, it was him in the flesh.
而且还那么好心说这种话 And to have the kindness to say,
因为很明显我演的是彼平嘛 because obviously Iwas Pippin.
当然 Of course. Yeah.
我是说你 伯特 Yeah, I mean you, Burt,
如果你不是彼平肯定也演不了《彼平正传》 are not going to do"Pippin"if you're not Pippin.
他那么好心这么说 你们演的都太棒了 To have the kindness to say, you are all wonderful.
因为你们看哈 整个剧组的人 Because you see, the rest of the cast
都在现场呢 was right there with me.
所以他没法只对我一个人说 So he couldn't really single me out
因为那样就太不尊重别人了 because that would have been dismissive to them.
-是 不能那么做啊 -对对 Oh yeah. You can't do that. Sure, sure, sure.
但是他给了我个眼神 But he gave me a look
约翰·鲁宾斯坦给了我一个眼神 那个眼神在说 John Rubinstein gave me a look and that look said,
你就站在通往明星的阶梯上 you are on the stairway to stardom.
我的天哪 Oh, good Christ.
我也是这么说的 Wow, wow. That's what I said too.
但造化弄人啊 Well, I guess life had other plans for me.
不过也无所谓了 But that s OK
♪万事皆有时令♪ ♪Everything has its season♪
♪万物皆会盛放♪ ♪ Everything has its time♪
♪给我个理由♪ ♪Show me a reason♪
♪我就会为你展示它的韵律♪ ♪And I'll soon show you a rhyme♪
♪猫适合窝在窗台上♪ ♪Cats fit on the windowsill♪
♪孩子们适合在雪地里♪ ♪Children fit in the snow♪
♪为什么我始终觉得♪ ♪So why do I feel like I don't fit in♪
♪无论走到哪里都没有我的容身之地♪ ♪Anywhere I go♪
抱歉 Oh, sorry.
感觉真是太好了 Wow, that felt fucking great.
-对吧 -是 Right? - Yeah.
我们刚刚是有那么一刻共鸣吗 Was that a moment just then we had?
等等 就是刚刚那一刻吗 简直是 Wait, that was a moment? That was a real- -
-我觉得是 -我都听不到你的声音了 I think it was. - I couldn't even hear you.
就好像有人在放 Someone was playing the original
原版的彼平录音 cast recording of"Pippin. "
就好像我们之间联结了一条只有我们看的见的绳子 It's like a rope connected us that only we saw the rope.
我们三个 只有我们三个 AlI three of us. All three of us.
-我们成为一体 -越来越紧 We are one. Tighter and tighter
我们在那一刻是同一个有机体 We were one organism in that moment.
-我的脚麻酥酥的 -哇呜 -My feet are tingling. -Wow.
1000个哇呜之上再加更多的哇呜 1, 000 wows and more wows on top of that.
这段时间真是很值哎 I feel like this was time well spent.
是 感觉到我们有所成就了 Yeah, we got a lot accomplished.
-对不对 -是 Was it not? both: Yeah.
你们 你们走吧 You guys- - you guys can go ahead.
-我们可以走了是吧 -没错 We're good to go, right? - Absolutely.
谢谢 谢了 Thank you. Thank you, man.
非常感谢 太美好了 Really appreciate it. This was wonderful.
我们虽然会走上不同的路 We're all going to go our separate ways,
但我们都会带走今天这一刻 but we'll take a piece of today with us.
谢谢你们让我唱出来了 Thanks for letting me sing.
天 刚才那简直就是噩梦啊 Jesus, that was a fucking nightmare.
还用你说约翰尼 You are telling me, Johnny.
这事必须得打住了 This has got to stop.
我知道 完全失控了啊 I know. It's gotten out of control.
我是说 我在意发生在克莱夫身上的事 I mean, I care about what happens to Clive,
但我们表现的就像疯子一样 but we're acting like fucking lunatics.
抚养克莱夫不是我们的责任 Raising Clive is not our responsibility.
我们得告诉他真相 We got to tell him the truth.
♪万事皆有时令♪ ♪Everything has its season♪
♪万物皆会盛放♪ ♪Everything has its time♪
♪我们在9号过道会有大促销♪ ♪We've got a very big sale on aisle nine♪
是时候离开这里了 It might be time to go.
♪猫适合窝在窗台上♪ ♪Cats fit on the windowsill♪
♪孩子在雪里玩耍♪ ♪Children fit in the snow♪
我不喜欢这样 这是个坏主意 I don't like this. This was a bad idea.
你特么能放松点吗 不会有事的 Will you fucking relax? It's going to be fine.
你要是听见我喊越南 你就使劲嚷嚷 You hear the word Vietnam, you yell like the place
跟这地方被火点了一样 你听见没 is burning down. Do you understand me?
好 真是够了 你冷静点 Yes. Jesus Christ. Calm down.
早上好 本内特先生 Good morning, Mr. Bennett.
我们都准备好了 马上可以开始手术 We are all set to begin your procedure.
行 这是我侄女 Yeah, listen, this is my niece.
她会跟我一起进去 She's going to be with me in the room there.
这恐怕不行 Oh, I'm afraid that's not allowed.
你特么什么意思 What do you fucking mean?
这违反了医院规定 It's against hospital policy.
不不不不不不 等会 No, no, no, no. No, wait a minute.
等会 你不明白 Wait a minute. You don't understand.
每次做结肠镜检查她都陪在我身边的 对吧 She's always with me for every colonoscopy, right?
我就是喜欢 看 而且今天是我半个生日 I love watching and it's my half birthday today,
所以算是送我自己的礼物了 so treating myself.
你们还挺逗的 但这里只允许医务人员进 Well, that's interesting, but it's medical staff only.
非常抱歉 I really am sorry.
给我们点时间好吗 Give us a minute, OK?
-你钻轮床底下去 -什么 Get under the gurney. What?
-藏到轮床底下啊 -我才不要 Hide under the gurey. I am not doing that.
布莱尔 你必须得进手术室啊 万一我要说话呢 Blaire, you got to be in the room in case I talk.
马蒂 这些人不在乎 Matty, these people don't care about
你那愚蠢的秘密 好吗 your stupid goddamn secret, OK?
他们都是专业人士 他们什么没听过 They're professionals. They've heard everything.
我不信任他们 I don't trust them.
除非你有什么诡异的地方 否则谁会做 You don't become a butt doctor unless you're into
一个屁股医生啊 some really weird shit.
对于某些人来说 这是有性倾向的 Some of these guys, it's sexual for them.
这跟性没有关系好吗 This is not sexual for them.
我给你300块 I'|| give you S300.
-真的 -你不总是抱怨 Seriously? You're always whining about
自己的课本太贵吗 how expensive your textbooks are.
300块 300 bucks.
你真特么疯了 You have lost your fucking mind.
费舍医生请到三号手术室 Dr. Fisher to OR prep room three.
费舍医生请到三号手术室 Dr. Fisher, OR prep room three.
好了 本内特先生 AII right, Mr. Bennett
我需要你从100开始倒数 I need you to count backward from 100
100 99 98 100, 99, 98
好了 他过去了 AII right, he's out.
太好了 真是个怪人 OK Wow. What a weirdo
居然要自己侄女跟着进来 Guy wanted his niece to come in here with him.
我听见了 太匪夷所思了 Oh, I heard that That's bizarre
就是说啊 Absolutely.
让我们看看他的真容吧 Let's see what he's working with here
-我的天 -看看那个啊 Oh, my God. Damn, look at that!
尖上长毛 太稀奇了 Hair on the tip. That's a new one.
恶心 他可怜的老婆 Yuck. His poor wife, huh?
我也这么想呢 I was just thinking that.
各位 说实话 这总会让我有性冲动 Guys, I got to be honest. This is sexual for me.
听着 我们得告诉他真相 Look, wejust got to tell him the truth.
你知道他会收拾我们的 You know he's going to kick our asses.
听着 在战斗中不受伤的诀窍就是 Look, the key to not getting hurt in a fight
保持冷静和放松 就像事故中的醉汉一样 is staying loose, like a drunk guy in an accident.
所以肯尼迪一家每次出车祸 That's why the Kennedys are always fine
都能毫发无损 after they fuck up their cars.
嘿 克莱夫 我们能 我们能聊两句吗 Oh, hey Clive, can we can we talk to you for a second?
你们俩傻逼想干啥 What do you two fucknuts want?
听着 说出这话真的挺不容易的 Look, there's no easy way to say this,
但这事关你爸 but, um, it's about your dad.
我爸怎么了 What about my dad?
你爸 Um, your dad, uh,
邀请我们去参加你的生日趴 invited us to your birthday party.
他说他也会在场 And he said he's going to be there too
而我们只是想说 and we just wanted to say
我们能被邀请感觉很兴奋 we are so excited just to be part of it.
你瞎说啥呢 What are you talking about?
我就没打算开趴 I'm not having a party.
而且他说他根本就不在 He said he wasn't going to be around
那是因为这是个惊喜啊 That's because it's a surprise.
-对啊 -不 我把惊喜给破坏了 Yeah. Oh no, I spoiled it!
哦 泰迪 Oh, Teddy, oh!
我们本来什么都不该说的 We weren't supposed to say anything.
-靠 -我就知道 Fuck. I knew it.
我就知道他会来 I knew he'd show up.
如果连你们两个废柴都被邀请了 Oh, it's probably going to be huge
那这趴体肯定小不了 if even you two losers are invited
忒好了 Hell yeah.
你特么是有什么大病吗 What the fuck is wrong with you?
我知道 但你看见他的眼神了吗 I know, but did you see the look in his eye?
简直跟查尔斯·曼森一样吓死个人 He's like fucking Charles Manson.
那我们现在该特么怎么办 What the fuck are we supposed to do now?
-他认为他爸会出现 -不知道啊 He thinks his dad's showing up. - I don't know.
-我们就找个人扮他爸吧 -找特么谁啊 We find somebody to be his dad. - Well, fucking who?
不知道 找个演员什么的 I don't know. We find an actor or something.
靠 Ah, shit.
好吧 我们准备了气球 蛋糕 All right, we got balloons, a cake.
你觉得他玩打糖马是不是岁数有点大了 Do you think he's too old for a pinata?
我觉得你还是别把棒子 Yeah, I don't think we want to put
放他手里吧 约翰尼 a bat in his hands, Johnny.
也是哈 Oh yeah, good call.
怎么样了 Oh. How did it go?
简直是场噩梦 It was a living nightmare.
马蒂 你感觉怎么样了 Matty, how you feeling?
医生说都清理干净了 Doc says I'm clean as a whistle.
没什么好担心的 Nothing to worry about.
医生说的可不止这些 That's not all the doctor said.
你什么意思 What do you mean?
简直是我听到的最恶心的事 It was the most disgusting thing I've ever heard.
布莱尔 发生什么事了 Blaire, what happened?
马蒂非逼我跟他一起进手术室 所以 Matty made me go into the operating room with him, so...-
布莱尔 你搞什么啊 Blaire, what the hell?
为了防止他在麻醉后 To shut him up if the drugs made him
说起越南的事 say some shit about Vietnam.
300块我不给你了 You're not getting those 300 bucks!
我不在乎 这事到此为止了 I don't care. This has to end.
什么都弥补不了我今天经受的 Nothing is worth what I went through today.
你知道他们用完那根棍子 Do you know where they put the wand
放哪了吗 我可知道 when they're done with it? I do.
什么秘密 她说什么呢啊 What secret? What is she talking about?
-别问了 苏珊 -不 马蒂 我真是疯了 Forget it, Susan. No, Matty, this is insane.
你必须拿出来跟大家分享一下 然后继续生活 You have to talk about it and move on,
因为五年后我特么再也不要 because I am not fucking doing that again
-再经历一遍这破事儿了 -别说了 in five years. Just drop itl
你到底做了什么 抛弃了你的野战排 What'd you do? Desert your platoon?
擅离职守 Go AWOL?
你不小心击中了鲍勃·霍普 Did you accidentally shoot Bob Hope?
-到底是什么 -我倒是想 What? - I wish.
这样我至少还能接受 I could live with that.
不管是什么 我们都能理解 Whatever it is, I'm sure we'll understand.
不 你不会的那是战争 No, you won't. This was war.
天啊 马蒂 我们是你的家人啊 For Christ's sake, Matty, we're your family.
快告诉我们 Just fucking tell us.
我给一只狗打了飞机 I jacked off a dog!
啥玩意儿 What the fuck?
天啊 Oh, my God.
你们说过你们会理解的 You guys said you'd understand.
这事儿谁理解得了啊 That was before we knew how fucked up it was.
你从没上过战场 万事皆有可能 You've never been to war. Things happen.
这事儿怎么个可能法 啊 Not that. No.
那你到底为什么要去给狗打飞机啊 Why the fuck would you jack off a dog?
那是谁的狗 Whose dog was it?
当时我的排在都隆桥 My platoon was camped in the jungle
以南大约两公里的丛林里扎营 about two clicks south of the Do Lung Bridge.
我们的军犬斯考特和我们在一起 Our dog Scout was with us.
嚼着残羹剩饭 Chewing on some dinner scraps.
我和我的朋友唐尼正要开始值夜时 My buddy Donny and I were about to start the night watch
我们注意到 斯考特勃起了 when we noticed...Scout had an erection.
毕竟那时候的你很帅啊 Well, you were very handsome back then.
让我说出来吧 苏珊 Just let me do this, Susan.
我们等着它自己软掉 但它没有 We waited for it to go away on its own, but it didn't.
它显然被卡住了 It was obviously stuck.
这对狗来说可能很危险 Now, that could be dangerous for a dog,
尤其是在丛林里 容易被感染 especially in the jungle it gets infected.
他可能会死的 He could have died.
我们身边又没有医生 我必须做点什么 We didn't have a medic with us. I had to do something.
我试着把它慢慢塞回去 I tried to ease it back in,
但它还是弹了出来 but it popped out.
所以我又试了一次 So I tried again.
这可不妙 No good
时间不多了 Time was running out.
我跟你说 那条狗嗅出的地雷 Let me tell you, that dog had sniffed out
多得我都数不清了 more landmines than I could count.
他救过我们所有人的命 所以我必须继续努力 He had saved all of our lives so I had to keep trying.
一切就是这样发生的 And that's when it happened.
他发出了像狗叫一样的声音 但更快乐 He made a noise like a bark, but happier.
然后他又回去吃东西了 Then he went back to his food.
直到战争结束后 Donny and I didn't make eye contact
唐尼和我都没有对过眼 for the rest of the war.
看在上帝的份上 你们快说点什么 For God's sake, somebody say something.
你们这些士兵付出了太多 You soldiers gave so much.
我觉得你做得对 I- I think you did the right thing.
很英勇 Very heroic.
是的 Yeah.
干得好 爸爸 Great job, Dad.
你当时这么做了 所以我现在不需要这么做 You did it there so we didn't have to do it here.
退后 士兵 Stand down, soldier.
好 测试 测试 一 二 三 AlI right, testing, testing, one, two, three
是的 我能听到 哦 太棒了 Yeah, I can hear you. Oh, that's neat.
是啊 我买通了学校的一个技术人员 Yeah, I paid off a techie at school.
记得把另一个戴着 Just remember to keep the other one on
这样我们就能听到你和克莱夫的声音了 so we can hear you and Clive.
好的 我们会告诉你 OK, so we're going to be feeding you
在我们进行的过程中该说什么如果有什么 what to say as we go along, and if there's- -
好 好 Right, right.
如果你不给我具体台词的话 If you could not give me specific line readings,
-那就太好了 -什么 that would be great. What?
对 你知道 告诉我你想要表达什么 Yeah, just, you know, tell me what you want to communicate
然后我会以演员的身份诠释出来 and then I will interpret it as an actor.
你知道 我本来想给剧组买个咖啡推车的 You know, I was going to get a coffee cart for the set,
但现在算了吧 but now forget it.
好 告诉我 Oh, tell me something.
-我从哪里过来 -哈 Where am I coming from? - Huh?
就在我见到克莱夫之前 我在哪 Like just before I meet Clive, where was I?
你不就在这儿跟我们说话的吗 You were right fucking here talking to us.
不不不不 不是说我 No, no, no. No, not me.
这个角色 角色在哪里 The character. Where was the character?
这会影响到我的表演 It'll affect how I play the scene.
他在百老汇演《彼平正传》 He was playing Pippin on Broadway.
不不 No, no.
他在家 为妻子流产而悲伤 He was at home, grieving over his wife's miscarriage.
-服了你了 -噢 对 Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, yeah.
我喜欢 你好厉害 Oh, I like that. You're good.
你应该进这行啊 You should get into the business
-你有病吧 -什么 The fuck is wrong with you? - What?
我们先试一下这样的 然后按你的方式来 We'll get one like this and then we'll try it your way.
好吧 我的妈啊 AlI right? Jesus fucking Christ.
嗯 以防有人也需要喝一杯 Yeah, in case anyone else needs a drink too
你到底在说什么 德里克 What the hell are you talking about, Derek?
克莱夫 Clive?
爸爸 Dad?
是你吗 Is that you?
是我 儿子 It's me, son.
我回来了 I've returned.
爸爸 我不敢相信真的是你 Oh, Dad, I can't believe it's really you.
好的 很 现在告诉他你不能留下来 OK, that's good. Now tell him you can't stay.
你在洛杉矶有一项重要任务 You've got an important mission back in LA
马里布有个狙击手 There's a sniper trying to take out
想干掉世界顶级冲浪手 the world's top surfers in Malibu.
我不能待太久 I can't stay long.
我和我的妻子经历了一场个人悲剧 My wife and I have suffered a personal tragedy
她需要我回家陪她 and she needs me at home.
-看到了吗 效果很棒 -闭嘴 See? It plays great. Shut up.
我有个继母吗 I have a stepmom?
-她叫什么名字 -凯瑟琳 What's her name? Catherine.
她是一个守寡的农场主 她雇我在 She's a widowed farm owner and she's hired me
她的庄园里做农工 as a farmhand at her estate.
-那是 -他是 Is that- - Is he
-那是《彼平正传》的内容吗 -他在演《彼平正传》 Is that"Pippin? - He's doing Pippin. "
-他在说《彼平正传》里的词吗 -他在说《彼平正传》里的词 Is he fucking doing "Pippin? - He's fucking doing"Pippin. "
真的服了 别演《彼平正传》啊 God damn it, no"Pippin! "
但我以为你是一个地下战士 But I thought you were a soldier of fortune.
你搞砸了 你个混蛋 You're blowing this, you motherfucker.
♪坐在地板上聊天到天亮♪ ♪Sitting on the floor and talking till dawn♪
♪蜡烛 交心♪ ♪Candles and confidences♪
克莱夫会把他揍得屁滚尿流的 Clive's going to beat the shit out of him.
♪交换旧信仰 哼唱老歌♪ ♪Trading old beliefs and humming old songs♪
-克莱夫 -妈 Clive. - Mom.
-该死 -我的天啊 Oh, shit. Oh, my God.
这是怎么了 这都是啥啊 What's going on? What is all this?
妈妈 你在这里做什么 Mom, what are you doing here?
杰夫·德里斯科尔的妈妈告诉我 Jeff Driscoll's mother told me you're having
你在公园里开派对 a party out here in the park.
你为什么不告诉我 Why didn't you tell me?
操操操操操操操 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
妈妈 看 Mom, look.
爸爸在这里 Dad's here.
中止行动 中止行动 快离开那里 Abort, abort, get the fuck out of there
你在说什么 What are you talking about?
那不是你爸爸 That's not your dad.
说那不是你妈妈 Say that's not your mother.
我不喜欢给其他演员提意见 I hate giving other actors notes,
但我觉得你来的太匆忙了 but Ifeel like you've come in so hot,
你没有给自己任何周旋的余地 you're not giving yourself anywhere to go.
你到底是谁 Who the hell are you?
好了 这样我没法工作 OK. I can't work like this.
让我猜猜 她是制片人的女朋友 Let me guess, she's the producer's girlfriend.
-扯淡 -等等 妈 我马上回来 Bullshit. - Hang on, Mom, I'll be back.
我给她的这个建议不挺好吗 That was a good note I gave her too.
-嗨 -我太过分了 Hey. I'm in way over the top.
这到底是怎么回事 What the fuck is going on here?
-你不是真的我爸爸吗 -不是 Are you not really my dad? No.
有两个人付钱让我来这里扮演你父亲 These two guys paid me to come here and play your father.
但是我告诉你啊 But let me tell you something.
这是我参与过的最劣质 This is the most shoddy, disorganized production
最混乱的影视制作 I have ever been a part of.
约翰·鲁宾斯坦绝对不会容忍这种行为 John Rubinstein would never stand for this,
我也不会 and neither will I.
我嘞个操 Oh, fucking cock fuck.
你这是在开什么国际玩笑吗 Is this some kind of fucking joke?
天呐 等等 等等 等一下 等一下 Oh God, wait, wait. Hang on, hang on.
克莱夫 克莱夫 听我说 好吗 Clive, Clive, just listen. OK?
你这混蛋 You motherfucker!
你以为你能耍了我还能活命吗 You think you can fuck with my head and live?
我要打烂你的脸 I am about to beat the face off of you.
你们死定了 你们两个 你们死定了 You're dead, both of you. You're fucking dead.
克莱夫 克莱夫 等一下 好吗 Clive, Clive, just wait one minute, all right?
在你打死我们之前 先听我们说 Before you kill us, just hear us out.
听着 我很抱歉我们撒谎说我们是你爸爸 Look, I'm sorry we lied and said we were your dad.
但是想想看吧 But think about it.
什么是爸爸 What is a dad?
就是一个相信你的人 It's someone who believes in you,
一个支持你做到最好的人 someone who roots for you to do your best,
当你努力并取得胜利时 为你感到骄傲的人 and who's proud of you when you work hard and you win.
我们做到了这些 We did that.
你是什么意思 What do you mean?
我们告诉你你能通过数学考试 你通过了 We told you you could pass that math test and you did it.
你不觉得开心吗 Didn't that feel good?
当你得了B- 的时候 我是说 这是多大的进步啊 And when you got that B- , I mean, what an improvement.
是我们在为你加油 We were there pulling for you.
我们鼓励你充分发挥你的潜力 We were encouraging you to reach your full potential.
这些我们都做到了 We did all that.
你不觉得开心吗 And didn't it feel good?
你不觉得自己很厉害吗 Didn't you feel good about yourself?
嗯 我觉得 Yeah, I I did.
你真的转变很大 You've really turned things around.
你的成绩更好了 你笑得更多了 Your grades are better. You're smiling more.
是吗 I am?
连木工店的人都这么说 AlI the guys in woodshop are saying so.
我一直在考虑上吉他课 I've been thinking about taking guitar lessons.
你听到了吗 You hear that?
他在考虑上吉他课呢 Hets thinking about taking guitar lessons.
那太棒了 Well, that's fantastic.
每场演奏会我们都会去的 Hey, we're going to be at every recital.
-真的吗 -当然 Really? Absolutely.
我们会一直陪你 We are not going anywhere.
过来抱抱 Bring it in here.
我们超级为你骄傲 伙计 We are so fucking proud of you, buddy.
好了 There you go.
哦 好吧 冷静点 Oh, OK, easy there.
冷静点 莱尼 Easy there, Lenny.
不要把我挤死了 Don't kill the rabbit
好的 OK.
嘿 我们吃点蛋糕怎么样 Hey, what do you say we have some cake?
-好 -还要记得吃点健康的东西 Yeah. And something healthy.
好吧 别在他面前把我比下去了 AlI right, don't undermine me in front of him.
来吧 我们走 Come on, let's go.
猫在摇篮里 还有银汤匙 JAnd the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon J
♪忧郁小男孩和月亮上的男人♪ ♪Little boy blue and the man on the moon♪
我想我们应该再试一次 Ithink we should try for another.
♪但我们会在一起的♪ ♪But we'll get together then ♪
♪你知道我们会玩得很开心的♪ ♪You know we'll have a good time then♪